i'm lost

i duno if my attitude is actually correct. i feel quite lost. i duno. i duno why am i spending quite alot on guitar accessories when i feel like the things i learn are so slow. i am quite disappointed in myself frankly speaking. i duno. i really feel like learning guitar properly and seriously from whoever is willing to teach me. but. so many factors to consider. time, place, got guitar(?), got proper score(?), got suitable environment(?). its just driving me a bit crazy. i duno. sometimes i feel like giving up. i'm not saying nps is like bad or slow or slack. probably i'm just expecting too much from myself. learning instrument is very different from dancing or choir. but i'm enjoying so far. i really want to learn. feel so despair. but i give up in asking whether i can learn externally too. sometimes i feel unjust. why my brother get to learn so much but not me? i feel stupid. why didnt i fight for what i wanted? i feel stupid, dumb, slow. one can change for the better rite? why she dun see it? she just dun trust me. she dun believe in me. maybe i'm that dumb and untrustworthy. then should i change? i duno. if she doesn't see it, then i see no point in changing. everything i do, i say she has something to go against it. yeah. probably i'm that kind of person. blehx. i duno what i should do about learning guitar? give up? it might be a big waste. continue? maybe it's just a waste of my time. seriously.

a person with a strong and cheerful front, probably is the weakest person.